Monday, April 21

ME n U- Typical WE Part II

Before beginning, i must say this...
Samby, you are a dear, one who has touched my heart with his words and actions in so little time. I am still in shock after hearing you leaving us. I really wish you stay and write those long post which cheer me up. But I wish you all the good luck and I hope you will meet me when you land in Pune.

Glad to know you!!!
Hugs Bro!!!


I **again want to put this thought forward...
We are mammals and blessed with body hair, three middle ear bones, and the ability to nourish our young with milk, Although females have the mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the, embryo. During development, the embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in for a male embryo. The embryo then begins to develop all of its male characteristics. Men are thus left with nipples and also with some breast tissue.<~~~ This is what Bio Science Says... that means... all men are females for 6 weeks in life,... so by manuscripts, by science and by nature ... every life is Feminine... Males are just a variation to Class Mother and not different from class mother...

**The bio-science work is an excerpt of a comment from one of Priyanka's post, i loved it and did not find any better lines. It's originally taken from The Telegraph

I don’t have any gender biasness to go with, so if any of you think that I wanted to bash/trash men/women in my last post than I am Sorry!!! Many of you think I generalized, and many think I didn’t, it’s fair enough that I have both the opinions. I may be honest, but I haven’t put forward even 1% of the truth yet.

I have always lived in a mirage, where I have dreamt of an Egalitarian society, but I have been defeated by women themselves, by simply hating and fighting with other women and then men who think they are the Supremes of this world, and without them this world is not enough!!!

Marriage is one thing which makes us complete, or may be companionship if you want to put it this way. Is it really necessary to marry someone, then in India yes, because you are abide by the laws of the society, but I personally think that if you and your partner knows that you can be together forever, happily ever after, then marriage is just a name given to this true commitment.

But isn’t it necessary in the relationship to understand each other, think about each other, do things for each other. Can the love keep flowing in one direction, even if it does, for how long, and then some day you may have the feeling you are not loved enough… And then you think it was better to be single, and then to aspire for the dreams, desires, goals one had. I don’t mind being single but I can tell you from my personal experience that love is certainly a beautiful feeling and you all know that. We feel special when someone loves us, may it be our parents, friends or the lover…

I don’t think either things can work without small adjustments made towards keeping the happy relationship, but at the same time, I just have a plain question, why when you are in love, is love really blind where you can do anything for your man/woman??? If it’s your wish then fair enough, go ahead, change yourself because you really want to, If you really feel that after making this sacrifice you will be happy then go ahead, if something is for better than no one can question it. And I never questioned them who are doing this with their will, but I only question those who do this when they don’t wish to change and still they do, when they don’t want to do things but they are forced to do…

I myself suggest many of my friends, specially my girl friends, like D. She thinks that A, her boy friend doesn’t listen to her at times, he does what he wants to, and then at times she feels helpless. I only question her about the fact that she knew he is that kind in the beginning only and so did she fell in love. So now if she wants him to change in a day, isn’t it something which is impossible. But I don’t know how long we can keep doing things,

I think it’s a matter of heart over mind and mind over heart most of the times.

Ceedy, yes, it may be easy to say this to make ourselves feel special, but when it comes to doing it really, not 1% can do what they say. Or may be I have the privilege that I am a Man, who has got the rights to decide, if I would have been a woman then it would have been much more difficult to say and more so to do such things. We are living in a discriminating society.

Chakoli, may be I was generalizing and I am not lucky enough to know more people like you who don’t believe in doing such things.

Veens, it’s really nice to know your thoughts on this and that you will remain what you are.

Cinderealla, dear friend, I agree to every word you said, but at the same time, I would still call it an adjustment because somewhere it isn’t compromise, which isn’t a happy word. Adjustment atleast may sound neutral. :D

Keshi, Amy… yes I think howsoever knowledge goes in there in this mind, we still remain Men at the end of the day, and we need this to change drastically.

Aneri, you are lucky enough. God bless you!!!

Satan, I too do that, I do stare at girls, I don’t want to defend it, but I don’t find it neither good nor bad.

Lena, my dear friend, I learn a lot from you, you are so knowledgeable I must say. I agree to you that its all in the mind, and people are people everywhere. And yes, it is always about respecting the other person. Cheers!!!

39 comments:

SambY said...

thanx bro for those wrds... really means a lot...

and well love is not blind..it sees much more that u can imagine , thts why its willing to see less....
that is why in love we tend to over look the other persons shortcomings....

Pri said...

aaj kal sirf shadi ke baare mein baat kar rahe ho??
kya baat hain? :p

Anjuli said...

i have missed something right :(, is this linked to your previous posts?

will now read the ones that I have missed...

Anjuli said...

i have missed something right :(, is this linked to your previous posts?

will now read the ones that I have missed...

Lena said...

we all learn from each other.. isnt it the point? I love those arguments, maybe because rest of people always agree with me :D

Have a great day!! :)

Cinderella. said...

I love what you said about the bio-science thing ! Wow !
Makes me feel special.

You know Ankur, I talk of adjustment/compromise/whatever in that light, for I have been in a relationship for about 10 years now. Together we became man and woman from a boy and a girl.

Neither I am today, what I was, when we started out, neither was he. We have have changed. Kabhi voluntarily, thodi si nakhushi ke saath, toh kabhi khushi se. Aur kabhi toh pata hi nahi chala k kab badal gaye....

Its very important to see the I and You as We, coz when you're in love, you begin living one soul, one home, one life - that binds many others.

Its imperative to respect each other's thougts, beliefs, philosophies, principles - even when you dont see eye to eye at certain things.

Bas dono agar itna samajh jaye,toh shayad utna mushkil nahi hoga jitna ho jaata hai.

You're a dear friend.
:)

P said...

To me love is not blind. I can make many adjustments but I can never do just anything my partner wants me to do. I have to be ok with the change myself. Otherwise I will be misearable and make his life misearable too :P

And, to be honest I will find it difficult to respect him if he does everything that I ask him to do :)

Everyone needs to maintain their own individuality even after becoming 'We'.

Keshi said...

one word echoes thru this post. RESPECT.

Keshi.

Satan said...

I sumtimes just visualise tht if I wud hve been a girl and if people wud keep on starin at me I wud find it really odd.. so starin is not my cup of tea, mite b till glance is ok.

When I m at disc or pub and in sum tipsy mood ok tht time I do stare (yeah but when I m not with my g.f) :D

Hope so she doesnt read this comment LOL

ruSh.Me said...

I don’t think either things can work without small adjustments made towards keeping the happy relationship, but at the same time, I just have a plain question, why when you are in love, is love really blind where you can do anything for your man/woman???

Love is Not Really Blind...Just bit Disoriented at times...and Self-Centric.... Self as in the Person You Love....
To make the Person Happy...can make u take 1000psi load of pain.....u migth jump over a fence when ur just 5ft.... Not to be taken literally...but i guess...U would want to make him/her happy....so u do all that.. Might be sensible at times....might not be AT ALl.....

I will not change for a person Whom i love and Who loves me....Coz the Love exists for what We ARE...But i guess Lil Prick in the skin wont hurt...:D

p.s. Dear Love Satan: I did Read IT.......... (fuming)

Satan said...

Well for me LOVE is really selfish thing...

@sweetheart
I will not change for a person Whom i love and Who loves me....Coz the Love exists for what We ARE...

Next please dont say me....

1. Stop smokin
2. Dont throw ur clothes here n there
3. Kya pura din M**e O** hi karte ho
4. Be a better planner
5. Stop talkin to that bitch
6. Why cant you cook tasty foods

rest all are sensored

ruSh.Me said...

1. Stop smokin
Smoking Kills....
2. Dont throw ur clothes here n there
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Kya pura din M**e O** hi karte ho
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!
4. Be a better planner
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Stop talkin to that bitch
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Why cant you cook tasty foods
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!

rest all are sensored
MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. Shaam to batati hu....Censored!!!!! ;-)

Pavi!!!! said...

I should be working..but cant resist commenting on this

1st..That thought/fact was amazing! i nvr knew! n it makes me happpppy!

I'm not sure wat makes a person complete..perfect childhood, perfect job, marriage, being a parent, being a grand-parent... The wishlist and goal keeps expanding and thats the way it will be.

love can never flow in 1 direction. Overtime furstration builds up in such love. Well they do say "Give without Expecting" . But in reality this is not possible in all cases.

But i hv seen many ppl over 20 who are single..tend to be very self centered.I'm not accusing. Its just an observation. They tend to think of their education,career, ambtions ,aspirations and wat not. It is good. Thats the way it shld be at a certain age...n then when one finds the companionship..one can't help think for 2 ppl. It comes naturally. n if it doesnt come naturally...then therz a problem with that compnanionship.

The thing abt having that 1 person with u (Bf/hubby ..watever)is that u have a sense of belonging, a sense of responsbility. One doesnt develop tht feeling with one's parents though we spend 20 odd yrs with them. (How many ppl don't travel etc for their parents?)we develop it wit that spl sum1. our life no more revolves arnd 1 person...it revolves arnd 2 ppl.
i was surprised when i realized that the very existence of my parents and the purpose of each action of thier's revolves around me n my sis- their children. But probably thats how things are.I donno how it feels as im not there as yet.

n yes we can call it compromise, adjustment, sacrifice or watever..but i guess we are talking abt the action of forgoing sumthing for sum1/sumthing that really matters to us.

Love is a Blind is one of those saying...100 ways to interpret it..so not dwellin on it much!

Sweetstickychewy said...

I have to agree thats its so easy talking about the feel of another's pair of shoes before putting one of theirs to know what we would really be doing. It could be a totally flip side to the words we spoke when we finally get a feel of the situation.

My take on changing - there are bound to be adjustments to a certain extent when u are in a committed relationship compared to our single days i feel. It becomes a more challenging journey that involves another person. Change is bound to happen.But changing for the sake of another person's happiness and your misery and failure is not uplifting i feel.

So i guess as a individual i personally feel its important to know how you want your life to kickstart before and after marriage and to share it with your other person. If he is a promising person, he will not stop you from growing or pusuing your future. I guess together a couple can make it happen with good planning, investments and timing. Sacrifices are bound to happen.I guess it takes two to make it happen. if not, the marriage and person of the other party will juz falter or turn sour.

Cheers!

Chakoli said...

:-)))))

You dont have to meet every person on this earth to write a post...we can share our experinces and let you know:PPPPPP

Love is blind..... nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...warna abhi tak koi mujhe mil gaya hota;-)))

I agree... yo always feel spl...if someones loves you...no matter what or whom.....parents...bros..siss...even doodhwala...and dhobi also kya...lol:PPPP

vEENs said...

u knw what... u dnt have to xplain yurself to the whole world.


:))

and that bio science part is amazing :)) never knew!

Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega :P


but experienced professionals ki baat sunni padegi na :D

u dnt worry :))

Ankur said...

@SambY

**really means a lot...
more so for me!!! :)

**that is why in love we tend to over look the other persons shortcomings....

and tats the precise reason my dear we call it Blind :)

Cheers bro!!!

Ankur said...

@Pri said...
**aaj kal sirf shadi ke baare mein baat kar rahe ho??

dont u know tat... strange!!!

well, i guess this is high time for me too :)

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Anjuli said...
**i have missed something right

i think we all know it, i just jolted it down, so nothing u really missed :)

btw... i cant see ur comments, did u read others :P

thnx for dropping by :)
Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Lena said...
**we all learn from each other.. isnt it the point? I love those arguments, maybe because rest of people always agree with me :D

u r smart u idiot :P

Lena, really generally its the same with me too... so i always have my disagreements with u so i can get another picture of it :)

Thnx mentor!!!

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Cinderella. said...
**Makes me feel special.

i didnt write it originally, but yes they made me feel special too, so i did mention... :)

**You know Ankur, I talk of adjustment/compromise/whatever in that light, for I have been in a relationship for about 10 years now. Together we became man and woman from a boy and a girl.

I can understand it, may be my relationship isnt there anymore, but it made me change a lot, i know that all these are necessary, but the whole point of argument i have is that it shldnt be forceful...
If u change as per ur will, i never say its wrong, if u change for gud, superb... but force... tats what i m talkin abt all this time :)

i hope m makin some sense :D

**We have have changed. Kabhi voluntarily, thodi si nakhushi ke saath, toh kabhi khushi se. Aur kabhi toh pata hi nahi chala k kab badal gaye...

haan so in all this, did u force each other ever to change, force??? i dont think so, in love we change, everyone does... tats not the point of contention, because its mutual ... u change sometimes for him and he changes for u... tats how things shld be coz then u know its necessary... :)


**Its very important to see the I and You as We, coz when you're in love, you begin living one soul, one home, one life - that binds many others.

yes, i agree, WE is the thing!!!

**Its imperative to respect each other's thougts, beliefs, philosophies, principles - even when you dont see eye to eye at certain things.
Bas dono agar itna samajh jaye,toh shayad utna mushkil nahi hoga jitna ho jaata hai.

Yes, dono respect karen toh.. its always mutual i said, when u do something, somewhere u have that urge for him to reciprocate... isnt? may be not with the same thing but yes... u want him to appreciate it and then to respect it...
:)

Cindy, u r deep in love, and i respect tat... wish both of u a great life and time together...Amen!!!

Cheers!!

Ankur said...

@P said...
To me love is not blind. I can make many adjustments but I can never do just anything my partner wants me to do. I have to be ok with the change myself. Otherwise I will be misearable and make his life misearable too :P

hehe... respect ur point :)

**And, to be honest I will find it difficult to respect him if he does everything that I ask him to do

well said!!!

**Everyone needs to maintain their own individuality even after becoming 'We'.

yes, coz we is there because of us... and if i dont remain, then whats gonna happen to WE???

more or so, its abt respecting each other as u have said... :)

thnxx for dropping by :)
Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

**Keshi said...
one word echoes thru this post. RESPECT.

thnxxx keshigirl for understanding me so well :)

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Satan

**so starin is not my cup of tea, mite b till glance is ok.

haha... how r u gonan diffrentiate in that glance and stare???
:P

well, my opinion is, to think is not bad, but to do something obscure is always :)


**When I m at disc or pub and in sum tipsy mood ok tht time I do stare (yeah but when I m not with my g.f) :D
Hope so she doesnt read this comment LOL

she has read it i think and now u have to save ur ass... :P :P lolzzz

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@ruSh.Me

**why when you are in love, is love really blind where you can do anything for your man/woman???

No, but u just stop looking :)

**Love is Not Really Blind...Just bit Disoriented at times...and Self-Centric.... Self as in the Person You Love....

yeah, most of the times... u r out of senses too sometimes :)


**so u do all that.. Might be sensible at times....might not be AT ALl.....

I agree to u it all depends on the situation :)

**I will not change for a person Whom i love and Who loves me....Coz the Love exists for what We ARE...But i guess Lil Prick in the skin wont hurt...:D

hehe... gud for him ;)

**Dear Love Satan: I did Read IT.......... (fuming)

now kick his ass and update me with the same ;) :D

u too have a rocking time :)

Cheers!!

Ankur said...

@Satan
Well for me LOVE is really selfish thing...

hehe :D

**rest all are sensored

well, this blog is not so u can go ahead ;) ;)
:D cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@ruSh.Me

**rest all are sensored
read my answer to ur darlin ;)

MEN, as usual!!!!!!!!!!!
haha.. we are :D :D

Cheers!!!

Cinderella. said...

Yes .... I completely agree.
It has to mutual, and not by force. Never.

I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Maybe someday we'll meet and talk about it over a cuppa coffee.

And I'd love to jabber my time away with you, and listen to your suljhe suljhe talks..lol !

ceedy said...

Me comes back and reads this properly - to do justice :) and also saw you have 3 movies review - damn I hate work :P

Lena said...

you didnt just call me mentor, you dumbo!! :P
Me is not here for mentoring, in fact i wasnt even supposed to comment, just couldnt resist replying to this one :D

Ankur said...

@Pavi

**I should be working..but cant resist commenting on this

Thnxxx :D

**1st..That thought/fact was amazing! i nvr knew! n it makes me happpppy!

it shld ;) u know even i felt so special... :)

**The wishlist and goal keeps expanding and thats the way it will be.

Ppl say satisfaction is the end of it and i say its the key to it :)

**But in reality this is not possible in all cases.

very true :)

**n if it doesnt come naturally...then therz a problem with that compnanionship.

yeah, but sometimes we can really try to find it out, u know as they say, we are poles apart, so we gel well!!!


**The thing abt having that 1 person with u (Bf/hubby ..watever)is that u have a sense of belonging, a sense of responsbility. One doesnt develop tht feeling with one's parents though we spend 20 odd yrs with them. (How many ppl don't travel etc for their parents?)we develop it wit that spl sum1. our life no more revolves arnd 1 person...it revolves arnd 2 ppl.

well, i dont and cant agree with u here... one doesnt develop a sense of belonging with parents???
completely disagree with u on this...

its just the way we think, we only look at future, but the present is made by whom, it wasnt just their duty. i dont think so!!!!

May be the life of parents revolve arnd their children but that doesnt end their responsibility towards their parents, why do we leave them on destiny when we grow old... y cant we belong to them.. y we only revove our lives arnd just 1???

I think it all depends on us...

** i guess we are talking abt the action of forgoing sumthing for sum1/sumthing that really matters to us.

well, then dont our parents matter???

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Sweetstickychewy

** It could be a totally flip side to the words we spoke when we finally get a feel of the situation.

may be, but if u r ready to change as a person, compromising with urself...
read my response to cinderella

**But changing for the sake of another person's happiness and your misery and failure is not uplifting i feel.

yes, thats wat my whole point is, if u feel u need the change, u will change, but if someone forces u to... then u shldnt... :)


** I guess together a couple can make it happen with good planning, investments and timing. Sacrifices are bound to happen.I guess it takes two to make it happen. if not, the marriage and person of the other party will juz falter or turn sour.

Exactly... well said!!!

Cheers!

P.S. Read my response to cinderella. :)

Ankur said...

@Chakoli

**You dont have to meet every person on this earth to write a post...we can share our experinces and let you know

y do u think i was talkin abt meeting??? I quote myself again...
" am not lucky enough to know more people like you "

knowing and meeting is far more different in the literal sense u are talkin..
and i agree to ur literal sense of meeting, it isnt necessary... for me this virtual world is as real as it can be... ppl can fake, cheat, lie everywhere...so y shld we be afraid of them just coz we call this virtual...
how does it matter that how does one looks and smell... what they think is wat they are most of the times :)


**Love is blind..... nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...warna abhi tak koi mujhe mil gaya hota;-)))

hehehe... nahi chakoli ji.. uske liye first u have to fall in love :)

**I agree... yo always feel spl...if someones loves you...no matter what or whom.....parents...bros..siss...even doodhwala...and dhobi also kya...lol:PPPP

yes, why not... dont u feel special when u talk to u r dhoodhwala in a way, cant they love u, arent they human... i believe love is something which can be found in every person, even criminals, they dont showing it doesnt means they dont have it...

i m glad u asked me this :)

Happy Weekend
Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Cinderella

**Yes .... I completely agree.
It has to mutual, and not by force. Never.

thnx for agreeing ;) :D

but i hope it wasnt by force applied by me lolzzz

*wicked grin*

**Maybe someday we'll meet and talk about it over a cuppa coffee.And I'd love to jabber my time away with you, and listen to your suljhe suljhe talks..lol !

haha... i wish to listen to ur poetry and ur thougths, they are better than mine... and also the fact that i believe u r a superb writer, i dont know whether u r a good architect or not...

Think abt ur profession again :D :D
hehehe

Happy Weekend...
Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@ceedy

**Me comes back and reads this properly - to do justice :) and also saw you have 3 movies review - damn I hate work :P

Thnx... n even i do hate work at times... :D

ehehe

Happy Weekend...
Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@Lena

**you didnt just call me mentor, you dumbo!! :P

oh u r smart... i dont know whether it took me time to understand it or u showing it :P :P
*Wicked grin*

**Me is not here for mentoring, in fact i wasnt even supposed to comment, just couldnt resist replying to this one :D

now u shldnt start charging me for this... :D :D

and its not by choice, its by admiration :)

Happy Weekend...
Cheers!!!

Vandita said...

nuthin much left to say on this, u already summed it up...

Ankur said...

@Vandita

:)

Cheers!!!

Pavi!!!! said...

@Ankur: I've had bookmarked this comment long back to respond to it...but got arnd to doing it only now....

I agree belonging may not be the right word there...Sorry about that.But what i meant was that we want to go back home to one person...n that person is the spouse.How many 25+ yr olds want to live with their parents on a day-to-day basis. Lets pls not say the RIGHT things n instead talk abt reality!

i love my ma n pa. I know i do.So i don't have to prove it to any1.But then when i'm over 25 , i have thots and a lifestyle of my own that may not exactly match my parent's lifestyle.Which is why most youngsters choose to move out. Now that ive been away..i yearn for going back home for a vaccation, eating wat ma cooks, for my dad to chauffer me arnd to various places(like he did whn i was a kid), for me to sleep on my ma's lap. etc etc etc..But all this for a few days..for max a mth...n then we all have to move back to our day-t0-day routine. That is reality.Some amt of distance helps in retaining the love n affection with one's parents.
But with a spouse..thats not the case.Which is why most couples want to spend every day of their lives together.

There is a thin like of difference btw the way we belong to out spouse VS the way we belong to our parents.

n well..I didn't say it was my parents duty to do what they did for me.I didn't say our responsibility twrds our parents have ended.I didn't say im gonna leave my parents to destiny as they grow old.I didn't say we must revolve our lives arnd one person alone.i didn't say our parents don't matter...There are somethings which i have done n will do...just to make my parents happy.Forgo things which i can.Did i say i won't compromise for my parents?After all, if not for them I wouldn't exist!n i'm v.aware of this!

when u have time pls read this http://shortyspeaks.blogspot.com/2008/01/for-you-thousand-times-over-sums.html
I wrote it when i missed my home,my parents, those childhood days....i had zero readers then..so it wasnt written to prove to any1 how much my parents matter to me.It was sumthing within me..that i felt like putting down in words for myself...not for any1 else.