Saturday, March 29

Ghazal...

This is a small and honest effort by me to write a ghazal... i hope u like it and i am looking forward for your critical remarks to improve upon it in future. :)
For all my blogger friends who dont know Hindi, just leave me ur email, and i will send u an translated version, though i dont know how much sense it will make...




तू है एक हसीं नगमा
जिसे गुनगुनाने को जी चाहता है
तू है वो हँसी
जिसे होठों पे लाने को जी चाहता है

तेरा हँसना
मुस्कुराना
सितम है जालिम
फिर भी तुझे अजमाने को
जी चाहता है

तेरी चूड़ी
तेरी पायल का खनकना जालिम
दिल के हर जर्रे पर
सितम धाता है

तेरे हँसने की खनक
तेरे चेहरे की अदा
तेरा चुप रहके भी
सब कह जाना

तेरा चलना
चलके थमना
फिर यूं इतराना
हाय जालिम
क़यामत का जैसे मंजर हो...

तेरे आने की आहट
पर भी हम मरते हैं
तुझसे ऐ हमदम कहें कैसे
कितना हम डरते हैं

हँसते हँसते तेरे सब जुल्म
यूं सहेंगे हमदम
तेरी बस अदाओं के सहारे
जी लेंगे हम...

41 comments:

Pri said...

beautifully written...
u are going to give 'gulzarji' some competition ;)
ohh but why is it untitled i wonder??
some 'anamika' is it?? :p

looking fwd to read more of these ghazals from u...

take care!
p.s: ohh translating it wouldent be much fun..it would spoil it dont u think??

Ankur said...

@Pri
u chane ke jhad par chahofy me... i know :D
yeah... there is this inspiration who is anamika, cant name her here... waise i dont know she reads my blogs or not... not sure :p

well, hindi is my jaan... guess someone strike the chord of asking me to write one, and i am completely in the mold of writing in hindi as of now :P

Take CAre :)

P.S. i know it will, but there are friends, for them, anything :)

Pri said...

@ ankur
hmm then u should really get her to read this...if u want can drop her a mail on ur behalf if shes around :p
ohh and yess...ur absolutely right...thats what friends are for! :)

Keshi said...

Im not sure if I can read that..lol!

But im sure its lovely...comin from someone as talented as u r.

Keshi.

Ankur said...

@Pri
well she has already, she knows shes the inspiration, she approved it and thats the reason u see it here, she doesnt wanted me to answer few questions, so i guess her name wont be there, ever!!!

but still, i have asked a friend if i can dedicate it to her, and she said yes, she is getting married on 13th April... so guess this will be a gift to her, and conincidentally she shares the same name... :P

Ankur said...

@keshi

u cant i know keshi, still thanks for dropping by a comment. but believe me ask someone to translate that for u... it will sound wonderful!!! :D

hehe, and dont think of me too highly, i dont want to disappoint u (in case if u r not tryin to pull my leg :D)!!

Thnxx
Take CAre

Cinderella. said...

That was awsome !!!

Har ek lafz ktni bade hi ehtiyat se tarasha hai tumne...

(ok, I hope thats proof k\that I know hindi..?)

And indeed it brought a big smile to my face....

Thankyou for this !
Made me day.

Ankur said...

@Cinderella

**Har ek lafz ktni bade hi ehtiyat se tarasha hai tumne...
(ok, I hope thats proof k\that I know hindi..?)

no, there are spellin mistake... so i give u 8/10... happy...
LOL

:D

thanks re... but it was just an effort and ppl r thinking too much of it, i dont think so its so good! :|

Smile is wat it shld be there on the face of every human...
so keep smiling
Amen!!!

P.S. i hope i did :)

Prakriti said...

Amazing attempt... Very lucid and easy writing. Something which anyone would want to read at the end of a tired day but somehow i dont wanna call it a ghazal. I cannot understand why but it does not seem like a ghazal. It is a different genre jiska naam abhi mujhe yaad nahi aa raha hai :P maybe poetry but not ghazal. Something seems missing. but excellent fo someone who has always been writing in English. :) Congrats...

Ankur said...

@Praks

thanks re... and as u have told me, this attempt is better when compared to ankur, i guess the best compliment u have given me so far... :)

well, i dont know, whats this, i thought of it as a ghazal so gave it the name of a ghazal :)

if u find some other name, then do temme ;)

and thanks again... when its coming from its always special...

Cheers
Take Care

and Good luck and wishes for ur new future :)

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

Yeh aap ne kar diya huzur e ala...wah wah...
तेरी चूड़ी
तेरी पायल का खनकना जालिम
दिल के हर जर्रे पर
सितम धाता है
ajee sitam to aapne dhaya hai...first time k liye to badiya..:) n u were slightly right coz u said i might like ..i toh loved it....... n kaash hamare liye b koi esa farmaya aur hum unke deewane ho jayen...aur filhaal k liye janab hum ghulam aapke wah wah :D alfaaz nei bache hamare paas :)
Take cre re...:)

vEENs said...

totally wow!

nothing i write here.. is gonna..do nething for ur lil master piece...

it is truely beautiful..

i wud wish smeday...smeone wud say that to me :)

Hitesh said...

hi..

I found it ok..nothing great..but as you said it is your first attempt, in that sense it is a great start..

My comment is from the perspective of a reader. I dont write poems or ghazals and hence, dont know/understand the nuances of this kind of writing..but you dont have to be director or actor of the movie to appericiate or enjoy it..

Hitesh

gunj said...

hey...lovely blog u hav here!
also really like ur "about me" ;)

Ankur said...

@mad_orchid

kya kar diya :O
:O

:D

ehehe... well, aap unko bolo toh sahi, har aashiq pehle shayar hi hota hai ;)

aur aapke in lafzo ke liye dhanyawaad... :D

Cheers
Thnnxx :)

Ankur said...

@veens

tu toh humesha mujhe chane ke jhad par chadha... bas.. :D
waise thanks a lot... i m oblized for all the praise :)

veens, someday someone will say something better for u, for sure :D
waise who... kaun hai woh... bata na :D

Ankur said...

@hitesh

Thanks a lot, i always look for an unbiased and honest attempt, and here u go...
thanks mate, and i hope i will be fine with time... :)

Thanks... i always wish u to be there, as a friend and a true critic.

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

@gunj

Thanks a lot...
thanks for dropping by
:D

hehehe...

blogrolling u :)

Gonecase said...

That's very well written Ankur bhai, album kab aa rhi hai :D

the_ego_has_landed said...

Hi first time here... really nice post
"हँसते हँसते तेरे सब जुल्म
यूं सहेंगे हमदम
तेरी बस अदाओं के सहारे
जी लेंगे हम..."
loved the last part, and yeah I dont think we can make translations in english as effective :)

Cinderella. said...

Hey,
Can you plz ignore that comment yaar. I dint intend to publish it, galti se ho gaya. I'm sure he wrote that for fun...

And I dint publish yours for not wanting to create any misgvings.

Can we take it as mature individuals and ignore some silly comments made in jest ?

Ankur said...

@gonecase

hehehe... usme abhi kafi waqt hai yaar.. :d

Thanks for dropping by :)

Ankur said...

@the_ego_has_landed

thanks... and yes, the beauty of hindi words can never be there in english!!!

thanks for dropping by...blogrolling you!

Ankur said...

@cinderella

well, i wanted to ignore it but it may leave wring impression for others, and specially when u publish it, moderator ji!!! :) :P

but koi na.. hota hai..

its fine...

Cheers!!!

c e e d y said...

Now you need the "tera" to feel in the slot of emotions....or was it directed to some???

Cinderella. said...

Thank you.

I'm relieved now...mujhe bada bura lag raha tha, coz you felt bad coz of the error I could have terminated...

I'll take utmost care while publishing my comments now.

So we're good, eh ?

Ankur said...

@ceedy

hehe... well i really need yaar.

And it may be directed to some, depending on who those are!! :D

waise yes, there was a source of inspuration...

Cheers Bidu!!! :)

Ankur said...

@Cinderella

U r welcome ;)

and we r good, if no one takes the liberty of thinking that i m line marofyin on u... Lolzzzz

We r good :D

P.S. i read ur comment too one which u wrote in bengali! Thanks... :)

Keshi said...

I love this music...I hv a thing for old Hindi and Sinhalese songs. Im crazy abt em.

Keshi.

Ankur said...

@keshi

its nice to hear tat u like it... i do feel a lot for old hindi songs and Ghazals, and country too is my favorate... :D

Keep Listening Keshi... if u need any of those... just ask me ;)

Cheers
Thnxxx :)

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

;) humko deewana kar gaye types hehe.... :P neways mez updated A-Z tag hope u like it...

Cinderella. said...

But seriously that wasnt with any motive..lol !!!

I was pissed with the comment, so had to give it back in the humblest way possible.

*looks innocently*

Ankur said...

@Keshi...

and thanks tat u liked it

:)

Ankur said...

@Mad_Orchid

acha ji... humko deewana kar gaye types...
there is someone already i guess... jo aapko deewana kar gya hai.. maddie ji :P

wassup... will blogroll u soon :)

Ankur said...

@cindrella

then wat was d motive??? lol :P

well, it was really humble, i thought when u r 'pissed off' next time, u will write a more humbler (read insulting :P) comment next time for someone like... ;)

*rolling eyes*

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

Heya...m fine re..n no hurries with d blogroll aaram se kar... n about tht thng ummm hummm samjhdar ko ishara kafi hota hai ;)

Vandita said...

i totally loved the way u describe her smile and laughter :)...
agar tune bhi maloom hoti toh gaane mein mazaa aata
beautiful!

Ankur said...

@mad_orchid

hum itne samajhdar hote toh baat hi kya :P
heheehe

;)
Take Care :)

Ankur said...

@vandita

guess i loved it too :D

तेरा चलना
चलके थमना
फिर यूं इतराना

i love these words :D

heeheeh.. and some day m gonna come up with u, so surely u wont miss it then ;) :D

Thnxx :)
Cheers!!!

Chakoli said...

Subhanallah.....

ABhut hi khoobsuraat nazm hain....:-)))


Aap koshish kare to aur nikhar nikhar ke aayenge labz..:-)))

Waise kisi kii yaad mein yeh...ya yooh hi...gungunane ka mann kiya to socha ki ghazal likh daale:-)))

Ankur said...

@chakoli

gungunane ka mann kiya toh socha ki ghazal likh le :D

waise koshish kari this but this is the unedited version written in 7 mins :D

Cheers!!!